How to Get What Your Dyslexic Kid Needs From Their Teachers

How can you get what your dyslexic child needs from their teachers? Here are 10 practical tips you can start using today.

Hey everyone, we're Nick and Sonja and this is Dyslexia Journey. And today we're talking about how to help your dyslexic kid get what they need from their teachers. And so to start with, obviously most of the teachers out there are very well-intentioned. They want what's best for your child. They want to work with you. But there's a kind of a variety of levels. Some of them are going to be great and are going to handle all the accommodations perfectly.

Some are going to be more difficult to work with. Some are going to be well-intentioned, but just too busy to remember all the specific accommodations that your child needs and so on. And so this is important to discuss whether or not your child has a specific documented 504 plan or IEP or something like that in school. Even if they, whether or not they have that, these tips are going to be useful for you because these tips apply for really any kind of discussions and requests and negotiations with your child's teachers, regardless of whether they have sort of a formal documented plan or not.

And so today we have 10 specific tips that we'd like to go through. Some of these are kind of general, could apply to kind of all kids, and some of them are kind of dyslexia specific. But we really do intend this to be, to help those of you who have dyslexic kids in school and really all grade levels. So from, you know, kindergarten up through college even. All right, so tip number one for how to help your dyslexic kid get what they need from their teachers is to keep in mind and remember and interact with the teacher as a partner and not as an adversary.

And the reason, maybe that sounds obvious, but, you know, when we're in the heat of the moment with our own lives and, you know, potentially because we're stressed out or because something didn't go as planned, you know, it can be really frustrating if something's in the 504 and it's not happening, for example. Sometimes it can be hard to remember that or it can be hard to, like, come up, you know, really take that tone and, like, that stance with a teacher.

But, you know, as we said in the introduction, almost every teacher is, you know, intending to be your partner and wants what's best for your kid. And so I think it's important to remember, like, maybe one way to put around teachers, too, is to, like, to remember that they're people. So, like, on the one side, they also want what's best for your child. So that's sort of the partnership part. But then also remembering, you know, they have a lot else going on.

So it's important for us to remember that and be respectful of the fact that they're very busy. They might even have something going on in their own life, right? They're having a particularly hard year, so they're not catching, you know, catching as much that's going on. We've definitely had that happen with teachers, you know, as our daughter has progressed through school as well. So just kind of keeping that in mind. They are people, they are teachers who are in it to help your kid, too.

And so that that can help your overall mindset and your overall tone and approach to the teacher. And one thing to add to that is, you know, just as we as parents don't, are not perfect, you don't expect perfection from your child's teachers, too. And so really just approaching them as fellow, fallible humans who also want what's best for your child is really going to go a long ways towards establishing good rapport with them and ultimately getting what your child needs out of that relationship.

And I would say, actually, if you ever do have a heated moment or something, like, apologize, right? Like, just say, you know, I was so stressed out. Like, I'm so sorry. I understand that that wasn't, you know, the way I would want to approach you. So, like, things can be repaired, too. Yeah, definitely. Okay, so the second tip for making sure that you and your child get what that dyslexic child needs from their teachers is to start every school year or every semester or however often they change teachers by communicating directly with those teachers.

And so in the younger years, when they're in elementary school, so ages, you know, 5 through 10 or so, or 5 through 12, I guess, in the U.S., you're going to want to probably set up an in-person meeting. It's easier at that age level because there's usually one main teacher that you need to talk to. By the time they get to middle school and high school in the U.S., at least, they have multiple teachers, so it might not be feasible to meet with each of them individually, but at least send them an email.

Introduce yourself and your child and say, okay, my child has dyslexia and mention whatever accommodations are specifically documented or what accommodations have been given in the past, what, you know, what sort of techniques work well for that child and so on. But, you know, so that content is important, but really the main reason is just to establish this communication with the teacher and always make sure that you say in that initial communication, like, please talk to me whenever there's an issue, that kind of thing.

I will say that when your child gets older, you can start letting them do more of this themselves, you know, by high school sometimes you don't necessarily need to do this with every teacher if your child is comfortable doing that for themselves, sort of establishing that communication with the teacher early on. But I still think even in high school, it's probably good just to even just introduce yourself at the beginning of the year.

Right, which I think leans on, you know, point tip one again about how to approach the teacher. Like, I think both in maybe telling them, you could just say, I want to also be like someone who you could talk to, but my child, you know, will advocate for themselves, for example. But also, like, just in terms of the tone, like, that you're, that you are, you're opening it up to be helpful to them too, right?

Like, it's kind of meant to be, like, if you can state that even, I think that's, like, good. So it's obviously meant to be advocating for your kid, but you're also opening it up, kind of the whole tone of the whole relationship with this opening email. So it's worth thinking about, like, something like that, like, just saying, you know, hopefully that way, you know, we can, if you have anything, just like, like you said, really, the reaching, the being able to reach out with anything for the teacher to be able to reach out as a resource to you is one way of doing that.

Yeah, and just psychologically, once, once you've met someone face-to-face or introduced yourself through email, they're going to think of you less as a faceless, sort of nameless entity out there that they don't really have to consider. And they'll think of you more as a partner, which is how you want them to be thinking of it. Yeah, and all of this leads into tip number three for how to help your dyslexic kid get what they need from their teachers, which is around tone and not, when you're educating sort of about their accommodations, but also maybe dyslexia, like, more generally, to try to avoid being condescending.

It's absolutely true that there's, like, a lot of different levels, unfortunately, still, of familiarity, and, like, there's misconceptions and all of that, but, like, really trying to keep the tone from being frustrated or condescending is super important. And maybe going in, it actually can help, I think, going in knowing that that's just still the case, because then we don't feel extra frustrated with someone, knowing that, unfortunately, it's still, like, that way a lot in society.

Yeah, and I think, you know, as parents of dyslexic kids, we, especially if we're newer to this journey, we may have done a lot of research ourselves, and we may be tempted to want to share this all with our child's teachers. And, like, it's probably not going to go over that well if you show up with, like, five books to your first meeting with the teacher and expect your child's teacher to read those books, right?

So, like, so both from a sort of condescension standpoint and also from just a demand on their time standpoint. Well, and I would go even farther than that. Unless, further than that, unless your teacher, the teacher seems really interested and, like, they're wanting to be educated about it, so you're sharing resources or facts or statistics, I would probably stay away from that entirely. Like, I think it's better to, like, you can even insert some of that information, but you insert it in a more personal way, like, my child needs X because dyslexic kids, blah, blah, blah.

You're sort of, like, putting in that information, but it's more, like, with regard to the specifics with your kids, so it doesn't feel like they're being lectured to, I think, in that case. Yeah, I mean, just explaining, sort of, for example, one thing that people have trouble with is understanding why a dyslexic kid might need extra time on a math test. And so, just, like, a sentence of explanation is generally good enough, like, because they read and write slower, that affects the time that they need on any test that involves any amount of reading and writing, even if it's not involving much, like, actual English content.

Right. And you could even add in some normalizing language there, too, because I think sometimes it feels like it's condescending if we sort of just state it, but if we state something like, I know this isn't obvious because it feels unrelated to whatever, but, you know, like, it normalizes it, that that isn't as obvious a connection. It's not like you're saying that they're, because, you know, otherwise, maybe they could take the implication, even if you don't intend it, that it's like, they should have understood that, or they should have realized that.

Right. Right. Exactly. Okay. So, tip number four for how to interact with your child's teacher, your dyslexic child's teacher or teachers, in order to get what your child needs to succeed in school. The fourth tip here is to pick your battles. So, like we said at the beginning, your child's teacher is almost certainly going to be well-intentioned and is also almost certainly not going to handle everything perfectly the way that we would want them to.

And I think sometimes if your teacher starts to feel like you are emailing them every day about something that they did wrong in class, they're probably going to stop listening to you. So, as hard as this is, you sometimes need to let some things go.

So, this does require really thinking about what are the most important things and what can we let go. And so, for example, if you have a teacher, or if your child has a teacher, who just forgets about their accommodations almost all the time. So, maybe the most important thing is that they remember that your child needs extra time on exams. And maybe the fact that they keep forgetting that your child is not supposed to read aloud in class and keep asking them if they want to read aloud.

You know, maybe you can let that go as long as your child's comfortable just saying no every time that comes up. Yeah, kind of reminding them themselves. And that might vary, right? If that's the most important thing that affects your child most psychologically, then that order might be reversed. But it's just an example of how, like, some pieces of the accommodations might be more important than others. So, you're going to have to think about it individually, even maybe particularly within a particular class.

Maybe even with regard to what the teacher seems to be able to just do easily versus not. Or, for example, let's say a particular teacher, it's not about remembering or not, but they just, like, don't as much like to grant extensions or they don't like to grant extensions as long. Well, that might be super frustrating because, you know, your child shouldn't be having it. But let's say that it's still more important to emphasize, like, the actual extended time of test, for example.

Well, just thinking about, is it possible? Like, is it possible to, maybe there's a different teacher that gives extensions more easily. Like, could they get more extensions in that class instead and then just try to get the work done sooner? Or maybe you can even help them more in that class. Like, to just deal with the fact that that particular teacher doesn't like to give extensions. So, it is, you know, it's a little bit of give there.

Like, it doesn't have to do with who's right, right? It's letting go a bit of who's right in the particular case and thinking most about what's important. However, this is going to lead into tip number five, which is, you know, really counters this a bit. So, tip number five for helping your dyslexic kid get what they need from their teachers is to not waver, though, on their accommodations. So, of course, like I just said in the other tip, you might need to sometimes, you know, pick what's most important.

But overall, remembering that that is their right and to not, like, sort of, like, being able to be an advocate for them, I guess, is the best way to describe it. And in that way, I think sometimes to get to that point, it can help ourselves, you know, to do it if it's hard for us to do that and advocate. And also, it can be the most effective in communicating with someone just to be very matter-of-fact.

And so, one way of doing that is to have more of a stance of just, like, you're just telling them. So, like, making sure your wording isn't kind of wishy-washy as if you're asking in those cases is better to kind of keep it a little more on the cordial side than the, like, wishy-washy asking side. So, and just be saying kind of something like, oh, just a reminder. I just wanted to make sure you're remembering per, you know, the child's accommodations that they get this time in the test.

Keeping it kind of pretty, very cordial, but, like, super matter-of-fact like that can actually go a long ways in that advocacy aspect. Yeah, as opposed to saying something like, you know, I was wondering if, or I was, you know, hoping or something you'd be able to arrange for her to have the extra time on her test. Like, would that work? And I would stay away from that period, actually. Like, start, actually, this goes back to starting off the year.

Don't, probably ever, if you can avoid ever talking about it that way, it's better because it sets the tone and the expectation that this is the right, you know, they're right. Yeah. And this is what should be happening. So you don't need to ever ask it like it's asking permission, even when you're being a little less, like, telling in the tone. But, like, you can, you know, you can say niceties sort of like in other parts of the email, maybe, like, sometimes more so.

But, yeah, not ever really wavering on that part. Definitely. Yeah. Yeah, which, though, brings us to our next tip, tip number six, for how to help your dyslexic kid get everything they need from their teachers. This is kind of swinging the pendulum back a little bit, is that kind of similar to picking your battles is you are probably going to need to make some compromises with your teachers. And so one way to think about this is that your child's teachers, who want what's best for your child, are going to see their role a little bit differently sometimes.

And sometimes feel like it's their job to push your child in ways sort of, you know, past their comfort zone on things, because they feel like their job is to prepare your child for the next level of school or for the real world. And so this can come out in things like, for example, presentations. And so our daughter, who's in high school now, doesn't like to give oral presentations because they have often involved having to read notes or read slides.

And even if you're just referring to them quickly, it's just more difficult for her to find her place, for example. Yeah. So she prefers to pre-record them as an accommodation. Exactly. But some teachers that she's had have felt like it's their job to, especially because right now, at least in the U.S., kind of oral presentations in high school are really emphasized, at least at her school. And so some teachers have felt like it's their job to kind of push her on that, to try to get her, like, feeling like they're helping her by trying to get her more comfortable doing these presentations, right?

And so we have had to compromise with some teachers about this with, instead of pre-recording, maybe she can do it for the teacher and a few close friends rather than the whole class. That's one compromise that's worked out well. And then, you know, of course, there are many other compromises that could be made. But the point is to, you know, going back to one of our earlier points, like, never forget that you and the teacher are ultimately on the same side.

And that if you're able to make some compromises, then it's going to make the whole interaction for the whole year or the whole term go that much more smoothly. And trying to keep in mind that they're not wrong, right? I mean, like, you have your own thing you're advocating for that's super important to you. But is it wrong that, like, a teacher is trying to help a kid grow? I mean, it's not, right?

So, like, their own agenda is also important. If you can try to, like, to some level, even while you're advocating for your thing that's important to you, that feels most important, if you can at least remember that there's truth in that, I think that can go a long way to help. So, tip number seven for how to help your dyslexic kid get what they need from their teachers is to really emphasize the positive as well as, you know, what might be perceived as more negative, which is something that maybe is missing that you're asking for, that kind of thing.

So, everyone responds well to this, right? I mean, that's why they talk about giving feedback and doing the positive and then the thing that's the feedback that might feel more negative and then doing the positive, like that sandwich they talk about. So, just remembering that, like, this is just human nature, it's true for everyone, it's going to help if you also really appreciate what's going well in the class with the teacher.

I mean, it's just a nice thing to do anyway to show appreciation. It's actually reminding me of when I was talking in the earlier tip about maybe with a difficult teacher, keeping it more cordial, but, like, just kind of stating the fact to help advocate. One simple thing you could do there is expressing a lot of appreciation at the end of the email. Totally separate from the matter-of-fact thing you're talking about, but you're, like, emphasizing, like, that you really appreciate what they do as a teacher, for example.

Even if it's as general as that, like, what they do as a teacher, because being a teacher is hard. Yeah, even if you don't have something, some specific thing to talk about, yeah, just say thank you for all your hard work or something like that. Yeah. Okay, so, similar to that, actually, our eighth tip kind of follows directly from that. Our eighth tip for how to help your dyslexic kid get what they need from their teachers is to avoid directly criticizing the teacher.

So, instead of saying, you know, our daughter told us today that you forgot to give her extra time on the test. That is going to feel like a criticism to someone. Just wording it differently, like, oh, it, you know, just a reminder that, per her accommodations, she's supposed to have time and a half on her tests. Yeah, so really watching that wording and being very intentional about it. You know, if you have to run it by how you'd feel receiving it or even run it by someone else, it's worth it.

Because you want to be really intentional. Yeah. Yeah. And, I mean, just both to respect them as people, like Sonja was saying at the beginning, and also just practically, like, if someone feels criticized and starts feeling defensive, they're, like, they're not going to hear what you actually have to say. Right, exactly. So, it's not effective either. Right. So, our tip number nine for how to help your dyslexic kid get what they need from their teachers is to, as early as possible, have them start advocating for themselves.

So, this is, like, obviously a really good skill in general. But teachers also really love it. I think partly because they realize that it's, like, an important part of growth. But if you can start having your child do this as early as possible, it really helps with them by the time they're expected to do it, which is, you know, by high school, definitely they are more expected to do that, that it will come easier to them.

And so, of course, this is going to look different at different ages, which is why it's more expected in high school. But they can already start doing it, just with, like, being willing to remind the teacher about something, like, if they have an accommodation and they're not sure the teacher's remembering, or maybe going ahead to the teacher to see if they're remembering, like, about a test accommodation, for example. And, of course, this is going to, there's going to be a little bit that plays in here with a kid's personality.

Right? Like, if they're more shy, this might be a little bit more difficult for them. Maybe you could teach them to do an email first if that's more comfortable. So, like, whatever works for your kid. We're not saying this has to look cookie cutter by any means, but just sort of being aware of it and how much it's going to help them down the line when it's expected of them in high school and, like, dealing with teachers that they prefer it and then also, like, just going forward into their lives.

I think it's, like, just to try to work with our kids on to whatever level and to whatever, like, pace of development that goes as an important aspect of parenting a dyslexic kid. Yeah, definitely. Well, this brings us to our final tip for today. Our tip number 10 for helping a dyslexic kid get what they need from their teachers. And this tip is to basically don't stop. Don't think that your job is done as a parent after they finish high school.

So, if they choose to go to a university or college, you can still help out. Now, by that point, they're adults. They mostly are going to have to do things for themselves, but you can still help them navigate the systems, which are going to generally be more complex in the university. So, that might involve helping them figure out how to access the Office of Disability Services, how to request their accommodations. Maybe, like, by that point, they need to get assessed again, get a repeat diagnosis with documentation.

So, help them get that together. And, really, it's generally not going to, in the college level, look like you talking directly to their professors, but more like giving moral support to your child as they navigate that world. Right, like, maybe they, if they're not sure how to communicate with the professor, if they could feel comfortable telling you that, so you can help them craft the email. And I think it's important to remember here, for anyone who might be thinking this sounds like coddling or, like, somehow is detracting from independence, that I think is important to keep in mind, is that, you know, people, whether they're younger, you know, much younger, or whether they're young adults, it's just, things don't come automatically, right?

Like, like you were saying about navigating the system, if you understand a little more about how college systems work, or even that there exists an Office of Disability and they don't realize that, I mean, it's just helpful to guide them a bit, keep guiding them and sharing things. They're not going to just automatically have that information, or it might take them much longer if you want to just help them out by giving them some clues about how things work.

And I think it's just a good principle of parenting in general, and it does not at all have to mean, in fact, it should mean the opposite about independence. It should be that you're helping to guide them with the intention that now they will know this, and now they will know how to navigate this. Yep, exactly. All right, well, those were our 10 tips for how to make sure your child is getting what they need from their teachers.

Hopefully they're helpful, we'd love to hear your feedback, your thoughts, your own tips, what you've found works well, what you've found doesn't work well. Let us know in the comments. Thanks.